Our Lady of Perpetual Inebriation

Fucking Sangria!

2009-07-29T19:32:00.003-05:00

Goddamn it. The one thing I hate about drinking sangria is all the fucking fruit flies it attracts. I've killed five already and there seems no end to them. The handle on the jug is handy indeed, but it does not counterbalance all these fucking fruit flies.

As it happens, I have a 21-year Glengoyne sitting on my shelf, waiting to be had.

JOHNNY WALKER scotch whisky

2009-07-14T10:27:00.004-05:00

For some unknown reason, I received an e-mail solicitation to take a survey by the makers of Johnny Walker. I don't drink Johnny Walker, wouldn't admit it if I did, and therefore have no idea why they thought I'd be interested.

First question: confirmed my age.

Second question: checked off the various boozes I drink.

Third question: when asked my relationship with Johnny Walker, I checked off "Tried it once, wouldn't drink it again."

Abruptly the survey was over and I was thanked for my participation.

The Whisky Wench

2008-12-12T12:23:00.003-06:00

Fiona MacNeill's an artist, a musician, but most of all a scotch connoisseur. The first Thursday of each month she hosts a scotch whisky tasting at Merlin's Rest: $25 gets you four mini-shots of scotches from all over Scotland, a detailed history as to their origins, a considered analysis of their characteristics, and a sample of her homemade shortbread.

She's just started a new blog: http://whiskywench.com/

OMG I Am So Good At New Drinks

2008-11-21T22:32:00.003-06:00

Trader Joe's blood orange soda and Stoli.

"The Bloody Screwdriver."

Tastes as great as its name.

Drunk in a Tiny Little Nation

2008-05-10T22:59:00.004-05:00

In preparation for my Iceland vacation, a friend tipped me off about a traditional drink out there: rotted shark with a schnapps chaser.

The shark is called "hakarl" and supposedly it is stored to rot because in its original state it is far too tough for anyone to chew. Rotting softens it up and makes it digestible.

The schnapps is called Brennivin and tastes very herbal, almost anise-based like absinthe, which makes sense since the black licorice of which they are so fond is so freakin' strong.

They serve this combination up in Isafjorður, but we never made it up due to inclement weather. Isafjorður is up on the 66th parallel north, very cold and blustery, and even under clement conditions it's a dicey plane trip: the locals advise you not to look out the window when landing, it's too harrowing. However, it was raining in Reykjavik when we were to take off and storming pretty badly in Isafjorður, and the airport kept kicking back our flight in increments of hours, and after three hours we decided not to waste any more time in the airport.

Like I said, missed out on the meat/drink combo, but I did have the Brennivin on a couple occasions. I also made it my duty to check out some other local drinks: light golden beers called Thule, Viking, and Leffe. They were fine for socializing, where you're talking so much you don't notice the taste of what's in your glass, but I'm a fan of darker or spicier beers and found them uninteresting.

Behind the bar at the club called Dillon (imagine the Triple Rock if it emerged in a fishing community) I saw a tall white bottle. In huge bold letters it read "FISH" and had a picture of a fisherman, and slogans in smaller print: "the original" and "favorite classic" or something like that. I asked the cute Icelandic bartender what was up with it and in broken English she explained there was a series of liquors based off of popular breath-freshener candies and cough syrups. Not unlike Germany's Jägermeister, FISH was based on the Fisherman's Friend brand of throat lozenges, and it tasted like Halls Mentholyptus.

On the other end of the spectrum, the bar Vegamot featured a very friendly vodka called Reykavik, which was at least as smooth as Grey Goose. On the rocks it was as smooth and flavorless as Chopin. If I didn't have so much other booze churning in my gut I would've gotten messed up on that alone, and I'm not usually a fan of vodka.

Celebrate!

2007-11-19T02:26:00.001-06:00

http://www.dewarsrepealday.com/

What Does Your Drink Say About You?

2007-07-13T18:55:00.000-05:00

What Does Your Drink Say About You?

Umbrella Drinks Or Ice Cream Drinks

Those fruity, creamy concoctions can make an impression. But is that an impression you want to make?"Drinks with umbrellas and lots of garnish (cherries, oranges, pineapples) or those with contents on the rim are usually quite young," he said. "You don't catch many guys drinking anything like this; it's mostly college-aged girls."

Margarita

Whether your margarita portrays you in a positive or negative light really depends on the environment in which you order it."If you're in a Mexican restaurants, eating chips and salsa, go for it," said Jacobson. "If you're at your local watering hole or upscale bar or restaurants, skip it. It can seem to others -- when ordering a margarita at the 'wrong' location -- that you are dull, living vicariously through your drink."

Whisky/Scotch On The Rocks

Sometimes drinkers of certain beverages have specific looks, Jacobson said."Your typical whisky or scotch drinker is someone who may have more than a few drinks a week," said Jacobson. "Appearance-wise, they are usually someone with facial scruff and often a bit heavier."

'Original' Martinis With Gin Or Vodka

Sipping a classic martini, whether dirty or dry, says the same thing, Jacobson."Most people who order martinis are experienced drinkers," said Jacobson. "Many are older, but if they are young, they tend to know their way around a liquor cabinet."

Rum And Cola/Diet Cola

Jacobson said that rum and cola as a signature drink suggests familiarity and someone who is unlikely to try something new."People who drink rum and cola don't know to try anything else," said Jacobson. "They are not very adventurous in life."

Bloody Mary

Thinking of ordering a bloody mary at your favorite bar or restaurant?"The people who order them the most are older ladies, often women who have seen a lot of sun," said Jacobson. "The other people who order them typically get them in the mornings, in an attempt to nurse a hangover."

Screwdriver

Does the thought of orange juice and vodka make you salivate?"Screwdrivers are hardly ever ordered," said Jacobson."People who get these drinks are typically original thinkers," he said."They are also people who don't want to taste the booze in their drink."

Appletini, Choco-tini Any Fruity/Sweet-Tini

Flavored martinis have become quite popular in the last few years, thanks in part to the show "Sex And The City." Whether it's rimmed with a funky ingredient like graham cracker crumbs or chocolate or loaded with fruity flavors, many bars and restaurants offer at least one or two "speciality martinis.""Women who are young, typically 21-24, are most likely to be seen with flavored martinis," said Jacobson. "They tend to like them because they are pretty and they carry them around as if they were accessories to an outfit."

Cosmopolitan

Cosmos, served in a martini glass, also came back into fashion thanks to pop culture. These drinks are fruity but pack an alcohol punch."The customers who order cosmos from me are typically bar flies," said Jacobson. "These are the people you see frequently, regulars who seem to like to drink a lot."

Manhattan

Ah, the flavor of bourbon intermingling with vermouth, bitters and cherry. Some suggest it's the next big drink, soon to be hugely popular among the trendy set."Right now, the only people I see ordering Manhattans are older men with gray hair and glasses," said Jacobson. "But that doesn't mean that won't change."

White Russian

White Russians are currently enjoying popularity among many crowds. This is the drink that is already moving from the "hipsters" and trendsetters into the mainstream.White Russians are the current drink of those "in-the-know" folks who tend to make their drinks wildly popular."Hipsters order white Russians," said Jacobson. "You'll see guys with black hair, black-framed glasses and white belts drinking white Russians at many trendy bars across the country."

What Wine Says About You

Wine can convey many messages. To many, it's a sophisticated drink, no matter what type you order. To others, wine can suggest a different meaning. Jacobson offers his interpretation of what different types of wine can suggest:

White Wine -- "Typically, (this is ordered by) women who don't really want to drink. It's still got a fruity taste but it is something you can sip for most of the night if you want to avoid drinking too much."
Red Wine -- "People who drink red wine often want to seem sophisticated. Some of them are, some aren't. You can learn a lot by watching how someone holds their wine glass and drinks their wine."
Blush Wines -- "People who order blush or white zinfandel in a restaurant are not typically wine drinkers. They really have no idea what is good or not-so-good when ordering wine."

Beer Drinkers

As with wine, the beer you choose can say a lot to those around you. Jacobson described his perception of what different types of beer can tell you about the person drinking it:

Light Beer -- "People who order light beer may be trying to keep their calories low, or they may not really care about the aroma and taste of a glass or bottle of beer."
Imported Beer -- "Choosing an import beer means that you do care about the flavor and taste of your drink. You may drink it slower so you can savor it, but your attention to detail often seems to carry over into your appearance, in a good way."
Craft Or Small Batch Beers -- "Ordering a craft beer means that you are adventurous. There are some great craft beers and some really bad craft beers; you're willing to take a chance on something that may not be very good. People who order these beers tend to be critical or discerning."

Next time, before you order that frothy, fruity cocktail on a date or consider an appletini while entertaining work clients, consider what your choice may suggest about your personality.

Made in one brewery, of malt.

2006-10-15T16:24:00.000-05:00

How To Taste Single Malt Scotch

I like that. An innocent little primer, like drinking with training wheels.

Styrofoam cup?

2006-09-21T08:50:00.000-05:00

Ready made cocktails.

Ad Age reported Sept. 18 that liquor company Diageo is touting new products like Captain Morgan and Coke and Smirnoff Vodka and Lemon-Lime Soda, which have the same alcohol content (about 5 percent) as beer and are packaged in 12-ounce cans like beer or soda.

Hm. Part of me likes the idea- though, I admit it also somehow seems wrong.

Those Wacky Commies

2006-09-19T19:34:00.000-05:00

Poisonous liquor on sale in the UK.

Consumers are advised to contact trading standards officers if they are offered bottles of 'Kremlin' vodka, which has been found to contain illegally high levels of methanol.

The bottle of vodka was found to be on sale at a shop in Burnley but trading standards officers believe it may be available across the north west.

Anyone drinking the vodka could end up blind or even be killed.

Samples of the vodka were taken from the shop after it was spotted by a suspicious trading standards officer and submitted to the county analyst for tests.

Analysis indicated that levels of methanol were 16 times higher than the recommended maximum for such a product and that the vodka was potentially harmful and unfit for human consumption.

Methanol is very toxic and could be potentially fatal if consumed in moderate amounts. Initial effects may include drowsiness and inebriation with a delayed onset of symptoms including blindness.

In all fairness to Russkies everywhere, the alcohol probably didn't actually come from Russia.

The bottles do not bear a supplier's or manufacturer's name and address but are labelled with the information 1L , 37.5% vol, 'Bottled in Russia' and a central barcode. There is no rear label.

I don't suppose bootleggers would actually import vodka, so it's likely a locally made product. Neither this article nor others I've found give any details as to how a bootleg product made it onto store shelves. Given the regulations in the UK, I can only assume that the shop owners knew full well it was black market hooch.

[EDIT]On the other hand....

More than 500 people in western Russia have fallen sick following two outbreaks of mass alcohol poisoning.

In Belgorod region, the emergency situations ministry was quoted as saying that 309 people had been diagnosed with toxic hepatitis, including 289 hospitalised in the town of Stary Oskol, 560 kilometres (348 miles) south of Moscow, ITAR-TASS news agency reported Sunday

Hospital staff said that drinks based on industrial alcohol appeared to be behind the outbreak, which had killed seven, ITAR-TASS reported.

It appears that bad bootleg vodka is a commonplace occurrence in the former Soviet Union. The article goes on to say that there are 42,000 deaths annually due to bad hooch. If it's that widespread, it strikes me as entirely possible that it could have been imported legally on the UK side of things, though it speaks poorly of the UK's standards for checking incoming product, especially given how commonplace bad liquor apparently is.

USA! USA! USA!

Jolly Good Show

2006-09-05T05:47:00.000-05:00

An eight-year-old strolls down Gin Lane.

A PROBE has been launched after an eight-year-old girl was hospitalised after being found drunk on vodka in a street.

A neighbour raised the alarm after being concerned the youngster couldn't look after herself.

She told her councillor, who immediately alerted police and social work department.

The incident happened in the Burdiehouse-Southhouse area of Edinburgh.

Former council leader Donald Anderson said the incident highlighted the under-age drink crisis gripping the city and Scotland.

He said that, combined with the recent case of the 11-year-old West Lothian girl who got pregnant after being drunk, it showed the problem was widespread.

Yes, I know the article says vodka, and not gin. Learn your history.

Handicap Match: Puerto Rico v. Cuba and France

2006-08-16T11:37:00.000-05:00

Puerto Rico-based Bacardi gains a victory over French company Pernod Ricard, who, along with the Cuban government, is challenging a Bacardi trademark.

The U.S. Patent and Trademark Office (PTO) determined on August 3 that Cuba's registration of the HAVANA CLUB trademark is "cancelled/expired." The decision means that the Cuban government can no longer claim any rights to the mark in the United States. Bacardi - which owns the rights to the brand based on use and as a successor to the original owners - has a pending application to register the mark in its own name.

Suck it, commies!

From the Cutting-Room Floor of the Dept. of Mixology

2006-08-15T20:45:00.000-05:00

I went to a friend's birthday party recently, and she'd promoted a mixed concoction I had to try. Her suggestion was Cherry Pucker and Smirnoff Ice, which she claimed tasted like church punch. Interesting.

I mixed Strawberry Pucker with Smirnoff Ice, and it was surprisingly tasty. A cool, refreshing summertime drink - more childish than a Manhattan or a Mojito, say, but no less refreshing. The Grape Pucker didn't fare so well; we shall speak no more on't.

I'm not promoting a revival of mixed drinks, but I think it's good to step back and revisit the basics now and again. The last three times I've gone out, my standard and reflexive drink has been a double-shot of Jameson (the best deal in town is two-for-ones at Ground Zero, Friday night before 11pm - you win some, you lose some), and I'm to the point where it's just a smooth trip down. There's no period of adjustment, I'm just always ready for it. While that's cool and all, it also suggests to me I might branch out a little and see how the other halves live.

2006-06-24T22:52:00.000-05:00

A book review? Here?

I'll give you a hint: It's about booze!

2006-05-28T02:44:00.000-05:00

So, ti occurs to me that I'v enever atcually posetd her whle drunki.

Probbalty because I fon't have much to say what I'm drnk, and whenterv I do have to sya is pre illegibl.

Anyw,ya. I'ma go vomiy now. Booxe be with you.

From CNN: Red Wine Keeps Hungarian Apes Feeling Fine

2006-05-25T21:22:00.000-05:00

BUDAPEST, Hungary (Reuters) -- Monkeys and apes at the Budapest Zoo drink their way through 55 liters of red wine each year, albeit in small quantities each day, to help boost their red blood cells, the zoo said Monday.

Budapest Zoo spokesman Zoltan Hanga said it was the 11 anthropoid apes who drank most of the wine in 2005.

"Obviously, they do not have it all at once and get drunk, but they get it in small amounts mixed in their tea," Hanga said.

"And it's not Eger Bull's Blood or some expensive wine that they are getting but simple table wine, as it's mainly good for their blood cells."

Bull's Blood from the town of Eger in northeast Hungary became one of Eastern Europe's best-known wines under communism.

Hey, we know someone who can get drunk to this.

2006-05-10T23:24:00.000-05:00

If Alton Brown Ran Bar

Even worm wouldn't mind getting drunk... with a Class 4 laser!

No one is safe from the smoking nazis.

2006-04-30T21:22:00.000-05:00

Heh heh heh. They said "fags."

Simple, But Effective

2006-03-25T21:50:00.000-06:00

Yo Quiero Jose Cuervo

2006-03-15T23:59:00.000-06:00

Mother of the Year.

A woman is facing drunk driving and child endangerment charges after police said both she and her pet Chihuahua arrived intoxicated at the woman's son's elementary school on Monday.

Hear, hear!

2006-03-15T08:15:00.000-06:00

Minnesota legislative audit estimates consumers would save up to $100 million a year if laws allowed liquor sales in grocery stores.

Minnesotans who drink beer, wine or hard liquor would save $100 million a year if Minnesota allowed supermarkets and drug and convenience stores to sell alcohol as Wisconsin does, a new legislative audit report estimates.

Wisconsin, which has only a slightly larger population than Minnesota, currently has more than twice the stores permitted to sell liquor, wine and so-called "strong" beer that has more than 3.2 percent alcohol.

The report, released Wednesday, makes no recommendations for law changes, but it is likely to encourage a renewed push by the grocery industry for legislation allowing supermarkets to sell wine.

My favorite part:

In 2004, the average adult in the United States drank 7 liters of hard liquor, 12 liters of wine and 115 liters — about 324 bottles — of beer, according to various sources cited by the report.

Well, I'm at zero for wine and beer, but I'm already far ahead of the curve on hard liquor. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've already passed the 7 liter mark this year.

Drunk for a penny, dead drunk for twopence

2006-03-14T02:34:00.000-06:00

I'm bored and up late, so here's a little history lesson.

Anything can happen. It's a long way to Delhi.

2006-03-13T15:50:00.000-06:00

Whiskey showdown in India.

Major drinks companies including the Edrington Group, Moet Hennessy and Diageo are jockeying for position for the tiny segment of top-end spenders in hotels and restaurants, where a shot of 30-year-old Glenfiddich can cost 1,600 rupees ($36).

But producers of Scotch also want some of the action among India's growing middle classes, particularly the affluent over-35s.

However, they are currently being priced out of the market because of tariffs of up to 525 percent, according to the Scotch Whiskey Association, leaving Indian producers with a tight grip on the mass market.

A Friendly Reminder

2006-03-08T07:57:00.000-06:00

Drinking before noon is entirely acceptable if you never went to sleep the night before.

Doubly so if you never went to sleep because you never stopped drinking.

Cheers!

Aw, crap.

2006-03-07T02:57:00.000-06:00

Dammit.

So. Should I come up with a new name? I'm kinda fond of this one, as I like the way it sounds. However, I don't want to be accused of copying somebody else's idea. Not that I suspect I'll ever have to actually worry about trademark infringement or anything. But then, you never know; and I would like it to be %100 my idea. Well, it is %100 my idea, it's just that others have thought of it as well, and before I did.

I've also found references to a t-shirt for "Our Lady of Perpetual Inebriation Catholic School," though I can't find any information on who makes it.

Caol Ila

2006-03-06T16:29:00.000-06:00

I was at my second favorite liquor store on Saturday, Chalet Liquor. When I first started shopping there, it was mostly out of convenience, as it was the closest large store that wasn't MGM. They had little in the way of top shelf labels, but unless I was already in the old neighborhood, Top Valu (crappy name, but they have an amazing selection of single malts for being a no-name strip mall liquor store) was a little far to drive if I was just looking to get a fifth of cheap gin or vodka. However, in the last few years since I moved to Crystal from Nordeast, Chalet has been carrying a much wider selection of imports of all spirits, and specifically whiskies.

As I walked down the whiskey aisle, I spotted Caol Ila, a label I hadn't seen before. I'm sure a true connoisseur (read: whisky snob) would claim to be well aware of said label, and would have a Charming Anecdote concerning said label as well. Anyway, being a sucker for particularly Gaelic whisky names (Caol Ila means "the Sound of Islay"- it seems poetic, but actually refers to the distillery overlooking Islay Sound) and an even bigger sucker for an Islay, I picked up the 12-year-old bottling. It was the only one available, though my little whisky book claims it has also been bottled at various times in 13, 14, 15, 17, 19, 20, and 21-year-old bottlings, with proofs ranging from 80 to 120, depending on the age.

I have to say, I am impressed. For the record, I don't really do the official tasting notes, consulting my approved list of adjectives, and only drinking from a nosing glass. I would say it was a lot like Laphroaig, but smoother, and... oilier? It's tough to describe, outside of "really freakin' tasty."

In fact, tasty to the point that I drank myself silly, and recall little of Saturday night. Sunday morning, however, I discovered the downside of Caol Ila- nasty, nasty scotchover. Probably one of the worst I've ever experienced. I do seem to get them more from Islays than other scotches (I suspect this is an attribute of all really peaty and smoky scotches) but this one tops 'em all.

That being said, I still bought another bottle.

Photo Courtesy Scotchwhisky.net

More from Africa

2006-03-06T16:16:00.000-06:00

It seems our beloved booze is under attack in Botswana.

As expected, there was rare unity in Parliament on Friday when legislators across the political divide backed a motion on the new liquor laws moved by Specially Elected MP Botsalo Ntuane.

The motion calls on the Ministry of Trade and Industry to halt the implementation of the controversial laws pending a comprehensive consultative process with all stakeholders. The laws that drastically reduce entertainment and liquor selling hours come into effect on April 1.

The article seems to indicate that the new laws are likely to be repealed or cut back, but it just goes to show, Temperance is still alive and kicking.

Those Crazy South Africans

2006-03-06T14:22:00.000-06:00

Given what Lagavulin and Oban go for these days, this doesn't really surprise me.

Three robbers hijacked a vehicle and rammed it into the entrance of a Boschkop Trade Centre liquor outlet, said Pretoria police on Sunday.

Robbing a liquor store is kind of old hat. But:

[Police Inspector] Mogale said the robbers then used the vehicle to ram through the entrance of the liquor shop before fleeing with an unknown amount of liquor.

While I can't condone theivery, kudos on going for the real loot instead of the cash register. I would be interested to know what exactly they went for- top shelf, or rotgut?

I would drink anything for fun, but I wouldn't drink that.

2006-03-02T23:15:00.000-06:00

I just can't do tequila any longer. My first time was a bad experience, and not a bad experience like a shitty AD&D group. There was no Rush, there were no Doritos, there was no one's hot mom baking us a casserole.

It was a Nat'l Guard drill and we were gearing up to train up at Cp. Ripley. We would get actual barracks, not the usual tin shacks, and that usually meant a large party of some sort. "Gearing up," indeed, meant taking orders for alcohol.

Having gone on these exercises with the Guardsmen before I knew what they drank: "None of that domestic pisswater you guys insist on," I groused. "I want to get drunk. Get me some hard alcohol." Out of equal parts economy and resentment, they turned up a large piss-golden bottle of tequila, instead. I don't remember the name; it's irrelevant, it was just cheap, shitty stuff.

I've since been informed by a friend who spent time drinking in Mexico that most of the stuff we can get up here in the States is half sugar anyway, though you'd never know it to taste it. The ratio tips more heavily toward agave, south of the border, and that's what makes a better tequila. It's possible to find good stuff at better stores, however, even if it's not as quality as what you could bring up through Customs.

So I drank this stuff. It seemed smooth and I built a tolerance for its flavor fairly quickly. With the exception of one pull had by one of my sgts., I drank the whole damn gallon jug. It was empty before I set it down. I tried to push some off on the tall, hot, skinny girl who'd recently joined our unit, but apparently she was a model of some sort and was concerned about what it might do to her figure. You know, her weight might hit triple digits or something. Anyway, no one had thought to bring any kind of snacks; the model had some celery she shared with me, but... really, when I'm drinking that much I don't care for vegetables. They have their place, but not next to a snifter, mug, or highball. Still, I had to have something else to absorb the alcohol, was my thinking...

When I woke up, I was extremely ill. I'd never been this ill before in my life, certainly not when I went drinking in Germany, straight out of high school and surrounded by people curious to see how much I could contain. I called over a medic and croaked that I thought I had the flu; he was preoccupied and told me to wait, and he ran off.

My sgt. came over to tell me to get the hell out of bed and get dressed, we were going to run around the obstacle course this morning. I told him I had the flu. He laughed and said we all felt like shit, but I had to get my ass out of bed. I told him the medic told me to stay in bed; I looked over at the medic in question and he'd completely forgotten about me, was off doing a dozen other errands. My sgt. really let fly with a string of blue language but, technically, you can't argue with anything a medic says, so he could only storm off with impotent rage and I went back to sleep.

Around noon I slowly drifted to consciousness again, and everything inside me had to come out one way or the other. I poured myself out of bed and trickled across the floor to the bathroom, where I proceeded to vomit roughly a gallon of undiluted tequila into a toilet. Seriously, it retained its color and translucence and everything. My German/Irish drinkin'-stomach preserved it as effectively as the glass jug had 14 hours before. After 10-20 minutes of vomitus and regurgitation I crawled back into the bunk and passed out again.

I have dim memories of everyone coming back from the training exercise, stopping by my bunk to laugh and deride. I woke up very solidly around 8pm and felt completely recovered, which led everyone else to believe I was bullshitting, but I can't help how I felt. All the tequila was out of me and I walked off to the commissary for dinner. Since then, I haven't been able to so much as catch a whiff of tequila without a profound nausea gripping my insides, and I can taste the musk of it in any drink or Chili's dinner.

However, really good tequila doesn't stink like that, nor does it taste like that; consequently, I have enjoyed some really good tequila on a few rare occasions. The exception that proves the rule...

"I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me."

2006-03-02T17:13:00.000-06:00

Hm. I'm not really sure how I feel about this one.

Rarely has a happy-hour gimmick generated more legislative angst than Alcohol Without Liquid, or AWOL, a gizmo that looks like a medical device but is used to inhale vaporized liquor.

The contraption - marketed as a way to imbibe without calories, carbs, hangovers or telltale breath - has lawmakers in Pennsylvania and New Jersey scrambling to prohibit it from bars and restaurants.

On the one hand, I'm very strongly against any legislation that limits a person's ability to purchase, own, or consume alcohol. Doubly so when those cackling hens at MADD get involved.

On the other hand, when it comes to alcohol, I'm also pretty big on tradition. Getting drunk without, you know, drinking, strikes me as a crime against both humanity and insobriety.

What strikes me most odd, though, is MADD's concern over alcohol taken that way registering on a breathalyzer. Breathalyzers gauge BAC by measuring the alcohol vapors that escape when blood releases carbon dioxide through the lungs during respiration. While the AWOL device also introduces alcohol into the bloodstream through the lungs, from there, it enters the bloodstream. Once it makes its way into the bloodstream, it will still behave the way it does if it was absorbed through the stomach. Alcohol vapor will still escape during respiration, in quantities proportional to the BAC.

Would I like to try it, though? Oh, hell yes.

"Reasoning with a drunkard is like going under water with a torch to seek for a drowning man."

2006-03-02T15:27:00.000-06:00

I wonder how hard it'll be to find it stateside, when it's ready.

A Scottish distillery says it is reviving a centuries-old recipe for whiskey so strong its name, usquebaugh-baul, means "perilous water of life" in the Gaelic language.

Managing director Mark Reynier says the Bruichladdich distillery on the Isle of Islay, off Scotland's west coast, is producing the quadruple-distilled 184-proof - or 92 percent alcohol - spirit "purely for fun."

"No other human being, no woman, no poem or music, book or painting can replace alcohol in its power to give man the illusion of real creation."

2006-03-01T20:10:00.000-06:00

Well. I have to give the russkies credit- they still have some old world values.

A ban on alcohol aboard the International Space Station (ISS) could be lifted in 2006 to allow crews nips of liquor after grueling work assignments, Russia's Interfax news agency reported on Tuesday.

At least some of the rich traditions of the Russian people weren't ruined by the revolution.

However, while Russian space controllers may favor allowing modest rations of cognac, the preferred drink of orbiting cosmonauts, the US space agency Nasa has previously insisted that missions must be teetotal.

Hm. I never thought I'd hope Uncle Sam would follow the lead of Moscow. Well met, comrades.