Our Lady of Perpetual Inebriation

Styrofoam cup?

Ready made cocktails.

Ad Age reported Sept. 18 that liquor company Diageo is touting new products like Captain Morgan and Coke and Smirnoff Vodka and Lemon-Lime Soda, which have the same alcohol content (about 5 percent) as beer and are packaged in 12-ounce cans like beer or soda.

Hm. Part of me likes the idea- though, I admit it also somehow seems wrong.

Those Wacky Commies

Poisonous liquor on sale in the UK.

Consumers are advised to contact trading standards officers if they are offered bottles of 'Kremlin' vodka, which has been found to contain illegally high levels of methanol.

The bottle of vodka was found to be on sale at a shop in Burnley but trading standards officers believe it may be available across the north west.

Anyone drinking the vodka could end up blind or even be killed.

Samples of the vodka were taken from the shop after it was spotted by a suspicious trading standards officer and submitted to the county analyst for tests.

Analysis indicated that levels of methanol were 16 times higher than the recommended maximum for such a product and that the vodka was potentially harmful and unfit for human consumption.

Methanol is very toxic and could be potentially fatal if consumed in moderate amounts. Initial effects may include drowsiness and inebriation with a delayed onset of symptoms including blindness.

In all fairness to Russkies everywhere, the alcohol probably didn't actually come from Russia.

The bottles do not bear a supplier's or manufacturer's name and address but are labelled with the information 1L , 37.5% vol, 'Bottled in Russia' and a central barcode. There is no rear label.

I don't suppose bootleggers would actually import vodka, so it's likely a locally made product. Neither this article nor others I've found give any details as to how a bootleg product made it onto store shelves. Given the regulations in the UK, I can only assume that the shop owners knew full well it was black market hooch.

[EDIT]On the other hand....

More than 500 people in western Russia have fallen sick following two outbreaks of mass alcohol poisoning.

In Belgorod region, the emergency situations ministry was quoted as saying that 309 people had been diagnosed with toxic hepatitis, including 289 hospitalised in the town of Stary Oskol, 560 kilometres (348 miles) south of Moscow, ITAR-TASS news agency reported Sunday

Hospital staff said that drinks based on industrial alcohol appeared to be behind the outbreak, which had killed seven, ITAR-TASS reported.

It appears that bad bootleg vodka is a commonplace occurrence in the former Soviet Union. The article goes on to say that there are 42,000 deaths annually due to bad hooch. If it's that widespread, it strikes me as entirely possible that it could have been imported legally on the UK side of things, though it speaks poorly of the UK's standards for checking incoming product, especially given how commonplace bad liquor apparently is.

USA! USA! USA!

Jolly Good Show

An eight-year-old strolls down Gin Lane.

A PROBE has been launched after an eight-year-old girl was hospitalised after being found drunk on vodka in a street.

A neighbour raised the alarm after being concerned the youngster couldn't look after herself.

She told her councillor, who immediately alerted police and social work department.

The incident happened in the Burdiehouse-Southhouse area of Edinburgh.

Former council leader Donald Anderson said the incident highlighted the under-age drink crisis gripping the city and Scotland.

He said that, combined with the recent case of the 11-year-old West Lothian girl who got pregnant after being drunk, it showed the problem was widespread.

Yes, I know the article says vodka, and not gin. Learn your history.